What does their partner like to do? Or if the person is in a relationship, are they thinking about getting engaged? How long have they been with their partner? Other friendships can also be a topic of conversation.
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How did the other person meet them? Tell them how you first got to know the person. Did you go to school together, or meet each other at work? How long has the other person known them? Do they share any interests with them? The second topic of conversation in the FORM method is occupation , which opens up a whole range of potential work-related topics.
Firstly, do you know whether the person has a job, or are they looking for work? Common interests - from shared hobbies to supporting a particular football team - can provide us with a sense that we belong amongst a group.
Shared recreational interests are also a great topic of conversation. Even if your hobbies are different to those of another person, it is always fascinating to learn about an unusual or otherwise interesting pursuit. Whether you find yourself addicted to a TV boxset or occasionally watch a show, find out what type of shows a friend enjoys, and you may find that you have more in common than you both initially realised.
What was the latest film that you or they watched?
Was it as thrilling as you anticipated it to be? Or did you find the plot confusing?
How to Get Better at Small Talk
Sports and recent games can also be a good topic of conversation. If you play a sport, or simply enjoy watching matches when the opportunity arises, find out which sports, teams and players you both enjoy watching at play. Did they see the latest game at the weekend? What did they think to the performance of Player X? Does your friend enjoy music? Find out what genre of music they like, what their favorite bands are and if they attend any gigs.
5 Ways to Make Small Talk More Meaningful
The final area of conversation using the FORM technique is motivation. However ambitious or small, we each have our own goals and desires that drive our behavior. Find out from your conversation partner their motivations. What were their childhood dreams? What drives them to live the lifestyle that they currently have? Do they have any aspirations? Would they like to go back to university to study?
Are they aiming to get a promotion by the end of the year? Why do they enjoy the hobbies that they do? Are they looking to get married? Or even start a family? Each of these areas provide a plethora of potential topics for conversation. You may wish to use them when looking for common ground with colleagues at work.
The FORM method can also help you to maintain a testing conversation when you are both struggling to make small-talk.
- 8 Ways to Make Meaningful Small Talk;
- Top 10 Tips for Effective Small Talk - Enago Academy.
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Which Archetype Are You? Channeling a more open mindset can transform a boring encounter into an interesting one. Build on what the other person says. For the most part, people love to talk about themselves and their experiences. Studies show that talking about oneself feels good—it activates the same areas of the brain that light up when eating good food, taking drugs, and even having sex. Capitalize on this and use it as an opportunity to learn something.
On that note…. Truly listening involves hearing what the person is saying and also paying attention to their non-verbal communication. Respond by paraphrasing and reflecting on the conversation to move it forward—it shows the other person you genuinely care about what they have to say. In other words, give the other person some personal and substantive information to work with.
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Me too! Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen, provides some practical advice on when to talk and when to zip it. But unless you are an extremely gifted raconteur, people who talk for more than roughly half-minute at a time are boring and often perceived as too chatty. At the second mark, your light is red. Body language cues like eye contact and not looking over their shoulder , sincere nodding, and leaning in communicate interest.
As to whether people who have more deep and self-disclosing conversations are on average happier, the results were mixed. People who reported having deeper and more self-disclosing conversations on average said, on average, they felt happier and more socially connected. Calling Brene Brown! One previous study that focused on quality not quantity , which also used EAR devices and observer ratings, showed that among a small group of 79 college students, participants with higher well-being tended to spend less time alone, more time interacting with others, more time having substantive conversations, and less time engaged in small talk.
But when researchers tried to replicate those results pdf , deep conversations were associated with life satisfaction, but whether people engaged in more or less small talk was not. More research is clearly needed, including studies using people who are not college students, since their lives are designed for social interaction.
Initiate Conversation – The Spark
The take away from all this, it seems, is simple: To improve your chances of happiness, be nice to baristas and chat with other strangers, but also invest in deep and revealing relationships. Every conversation matters. Six research assistants coded each participant, so the project involved a team of research assistants.